"it" just moved
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
