Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
