she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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