he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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