Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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