No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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