i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
