Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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