ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
