i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
