went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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