why didn't you poke me back
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
