Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
