Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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