I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
