its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
