and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
