Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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