I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
