You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
