I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
