ya dads aren't the best wingmen
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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