i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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