just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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