that's an acceptable place to lick
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
