Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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