Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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