Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
