I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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