tell your sister to shave her snatch
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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