mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
