And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
