just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
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You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
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You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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