i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
