There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
