If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
