Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
