There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
