Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
