In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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