In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
