Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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