Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
