I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
