My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
zippers are such a cool invention
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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