Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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