i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
