Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
