So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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