She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize