He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I love having hate sex.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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