I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
