I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
smell my finger.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
