been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
