Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
