Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
