if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
