So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
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She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
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my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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