My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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