Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
