The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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