conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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